What a week.
Don’t dwell on the past or as I like to say Time to reflect. This past week I have been thinking about last year.
My dad took ill the end of March and I stepped in to look after him.
The lack of support from doctors and the hospital was shocking. No one believed me. I knew he was dying and I reached a point in life when I thought why does bad things always happen to me. Please give me a break. When my dad passed away it traumatised me and my physical and mental health took a downward turn.
I lost my job not long after and was devastated but then realised it was for the best. I had given my everything to my job and then realised I am important and will find another job.
Didn’t take long to find one, and off top of this I had my volunteer work to keep me busy.
I had been training to help others in various situations. You see I have this overwhelming urge to always help others.
Started my new job and really enjoyed it then a few weeks later woke up to find a lump in my breast.
Once again my balloon had burst and I couldn’t understand why I kept getting tested. Made plans for my daughters future and decided I’m not always in control.
Eventually I got my appointment with the breast clinic and runs out I just have multiple cysts in bot breasts and I can have them drained at any point.
The relief I felt was unexplainable. Time to get on with life and appreciate every day. The job I now loved went downhill, clearly not everyone is so excepting if they can’t physically see your disability and I ended up walking out and having a breakdown.
Now with all the stress finally taking it toll yet again I find myself calling the doctors and being told don’t go anywhere there is an ambulance coming to get you.
Again here I am thinking ‘ what is going on’ why me ???? Please give me a break to heal, get better, be happy !!!!
In hospital they were so good to me and then it turns out I’ve had a severe flare up and clearly my body can’t cope with all the stress in my life.
Another scare and another sign to take things easy and start putting me first. Sunday afternoon laying on the sofa crying , feeling sorry for myself and looking at job vacancies.
I spotted one and just thought I’ll apply but probably won’t get it and it will go to a fitter, younger person.
On the Monday receive an email inviting me to an interview. I accepted but again wasn’t convinced I would get it. The interview happened on the Thursday and I let them know I’m disabled and struggle with certain tasks.
That way they can give the job to someone better. Well that’s what I always think anyway.
Friday received an email offering me the job ???? I’m shocked, excited and extremely nervous. When I finally started my new role I struggled for the first few weeks and was going to leave as my confidence struggled and I really felt useless with my disability.
By Xmas my confidence improved and my employees supported me and I was made assistant manager. By April this year I have been made manager in a job I absolutely love, even though I can only work 24hrs a week now and my treatment has started I finally feel grounded, supported and surrounded my good people. No one is judging me anymore. What I’m trying to say is no matter what life throws at you there is always something else around the corner and more opportunities. Step out of your comfort zone , take that risk. But most importantly Love yourself and then you can love those around you .
Take care till next week Fi Xx