Where do I start, there are good and bad days.
Happy and sad days.
Some days I wake up and have so much energy I don’t know what to do with myself.
Then there are the days I choose not to talk about and wonder if anyone would actually care.
All this does is highlight the pain I’m feeling and make me angry which then makes the pain even worse.
There has been times when I just want to disappear so I take myself off in my car and just drive, the first part I listen to sad songs and sob uncontrollably.
The next part I put on uplifting music , open the windows and feel more grateful for what I’ve achieved and the reasons for it.
Being in constant pain is exhausting and has a terrible impact on your mental health. I am on anti depressants to keep my mood stable and try to keep flare ups from happening too often.
I was against anti depressants until I started taking and realised it actually takes the edge off and maybe it’s the reason why I feel so numb.
Just before being prescribed these I left my home with no phone and without telling my daughter. I was gone for over five hours and part of me wasn’t planning on returning.
I felt I was always losing things that were precious and had no control and I am useless. I sat at where I scattered my dads ashes and cried the whole time.
Suddenly I realised I’m actually coping and it’s ok to have bad days but not to allow myself to get too caught up in this depression.
I am strong, I am loved, I am needed and I have a great life which I have made for myself so my daughter can grow up feeling safe.
Just remember it’s not easy living with pain and you are not alone.